The myth of male strength: why it’s okay to not be okay
You’re not weak. Let’s get that straight right away. For too long, we’ve been sold this lie that men have to be these unbreakable, stoic figures. The reality is, you’re human. You experience pain, you feel lost, and sometimes, you struggle to cope. Whether it’s the weight of depression, the crushing grip of anxiety, or the desperate escape of addiction, you’re not alone, and it’s not a sign of weakness. Trust me, I know. I’ve been through it all and can relate to exactly what you’re going through.
The stigma around men’s mental health is a killer. It stops you from talking, from seeking help, and from acknowledging what’s really going on. You might hear these toxic whispers:
- “Man up.”
- “Don’t be a pussy.”
- “You should be able to handle it.”
These messages get internalised, creating a pressure cooker of emotions that eventually explodes.
Here’s what happens when you buy into this myth of male strength:
- Isolation: You withdraw from friends and family, convinced that nobody will understand. You think you’re unique and that your problems can’t possibly be solved. Then, you start to think you don’t want to burden others with your stuff. So, the dark journey inward begins. The light starts to fade and the darkness of isolation becomes all you know. The only solace in life you find is with yourself. Yet, left alone for too long, our heads turn against us.
- Self-Destructive Behaviour: You turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms like excessive drinking, drug use, or reckless behaviour to numb the pain. This is where the darkness starts becoming the norm. But that’s not the norm. Our lives are not meant to be shrouded in darkness. It’s hard to think that there’s more to life than what you’re currently experiencing when you’re caught up in these behaviours. The pain is all too real and nothing will make it go away, no matter how hard you try.
- Increased Risk: You become more susceptible to serious consequences like depression, anxiety disorders, and even suicide. This one is scary because it’s more real than most people would like to acknowledge. The episodes of depression and anxiety grow deeper and darker. Then the really dark thoughts start stirring in your mind. Thankfully, there is a way out. There really is otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this blog. I’ve experienced it all and I can honestly say there is a way to live a life beyond your current challenges.
How? By redefining what “strength” is. True strength isn’t about suppressing your emotions; it’s about:
- Honesty: Acknowledging your struggles and being real with yourself. You cannot imagine how much weight is lifted once you are honest with yourself. Forget being honest with others. That comes with time. The moment you are honest with yourself, see your honesty for what it is and embrace it, is the start of turning everything around.
- Vulnerability: Sharing your pain with someone you trust. This one is huge for guys. We’ve been brought up not to talk about our challenges, our fears, our resentments, our nothings. We’re told to just push it down and get on with it. Yet, being vulnerable takes more courage than most things you’ll do in life. You’re trusting someone else with your thoughts. You’re opening up when all you want to do is shut down. Vulnerability is the new strength in life.
- Courage: Seeking help and taking steps to improve your situation. Once you have reached an honest understanding of where you are in life, with yourself, you then must seek courage to do something about it. If you have confided in someone through vulnerability and they have suggested you seek further help, then that is the path you need to take. It will be a path that is frightening at first but usually leads to a life that you’ve always known you deserved deep down.
Real-Life Example
Take the example of a young man we’ll call Mark. Mark was always the “strong one” in his group of friends. He never cried, never showed fear, and always had a solution for everyone else’s problems. But inside, he was crumbling. A recent job loss triggered a deep depression, and he started drinking heavily to cope. He felt ashamed and isolated, convinced that his friends would see him as weak if he admitted he was struggling. The more he tried to convince people he was okay, the more pain he would get into.
It wasn’t until Mark’s health started to deteriorate that he finally broke down and confessed to his brother what he was going through. To his surprise, his brother didn’t judge him. He listened, offered support, and helped Mark find a therapist. Mark is now gratefully on the road to recovery, and he’s learning that true strength lies in vulnerability and seeking help.
Conclusion
You’re not weak for feeling what you feel. You’re human. And just like any other human, you deserve support, understanding, and a path towards healing. Breaking free from the stigma surrounding men’s mental health is the first step. Talk to someone you trust, reach out for professional help, and remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You don’t have to carry this burden alone.
If you’re struggling, remember there are people who want to help. Connect with me for support and resources.
